February 2011
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It’s a violent night: wind rumbling, rattling the windows, loud cracks and flames licking the air in the distance. And strangely, I feel the most peaceful this way.
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Sleepy from a long day - my thoughts are all floaty, airy and dissipated. Staving off heartache & worry with a book & melted butter on a hot bread roll. (It’s working).
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A glimpse of my workplace today: sitting at the big desk in my lavender office, listening to classical film scores. Meanwhile, the middle-aged budget manager sits in his office blasting screamo. I love it.
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winter at the window; spring on the roof
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I opened the windows for the first time this year, crawled onto the roof and felt the sun on my bare arms. Little bluebirds flitted around. The lake must be melting now. I wondered if I was really ready to come out from under winter’s blanket, but put it out of my mind, blinking in the light & letting my bones thaw.
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I’m going to tell you a secret: I don’t really want to come out of hibernation this year.
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Lonely Hearts Club
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Driving the long mid-night hours home, half-asleep & still smelling like cigarettes & old friends, the radio host said, “when a man loves a woman he makes it abundantly clear,” and I just can’t get this out of my mind.
clay: I suppose people like us are never fully satisfied
alana: no
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“fuck being perfect/
dream and love/
never wake up”
– Jack Tatum
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Last night I died and went home to a past life. To see a grown boy cry of happiness upon seeing me, to laugh and shout and dance with beautiful people to the music of friends who made it… my little hoping heart almost broke free and floated away. Sweet friends with golden souls. Salt of the earth.
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“Then tell Wind and Fire to stop,” returned madame; “but don’t tell me.”
– Charles Dickens, from A Tale of Two Cities
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Oh, sweet lightness! I feel like feathers instead of lead!
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“Sin from thy lips?
O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again.”
– Shakespeare 